Relationships; Sometimes confusing, sometimes emotional, sometimes logical and it takes conversation to make sense of the whole thing. The most pressing questions are answered here by relationship experts.
I'm Jealous of My Ex Girlfriend's New Boyfriend! How to Dump Those Feelings Now
by Gillian Reynolds
You're jealous of him. He's the new guy in your ex girlfriend's life. You've been dreading this moment, haven't you? Waiting for the day when she'd find someone to replace you. Now you're stuck with an unending feeling of jealousy while she seems to be moving forward without any hang-ups. How did this happen to you? How did you go from being her partner to dreading the thought of her with this new man? You need to realize right now that this is much more about you than it is about your ex or her current boyfriend. It's your own fault that you're experiencing this so it's up to you to change it and the sooner the better. Jealousy is truly an ugly emotion. Most of us believe that it stems from a place of deep love and devotion. After all, you feel jealous because you don't want your ex to be with this new guy, right? You love her so much that the thought of another man making her happy makes you crazy inside. To the uninformed eye, that seems like something out of a romantic fairytale. The story about the scorned lover who can't bear to let his woman be with another man so in his jealous rage he chases the new man in her life away and the maiden falls into her ex lover's arms because she finally realizes how deep his devotion runs. It sounds great as a narrative but in reality it just doesn't work that way. Jealousy actually makes a person appear petty and insecure. Is that really how you want your ex girlfriend to view you? You can't keep walking around with this veil of jealousy over your head. The fact of the matter is that she's moved on and has chosen someone new. Acceptance is your best friend at this point. You need to let go of the notion that you can berate him or make him look insignificant in her eyes so she'll want you back. That will not work. It will only help you to look pathetic, desperate and threatened by the new guy. There's so much power in kindness and support. My best advice to you is to call or text your ex girlfriend and tell her that you've heard she's dating someone new. She may be put off by this because she'll anticipate a verbal attack of her new boyfriend coming from you on the not-too-distant horizon. Show her you're much better than that. Tell her that you're really happy for her and you've only heard fantastic things about him. You may have to grit your teeth while you form the words and allow them to roll off your tongue, but do it. The instant you say it, you're going to feel an emotional release. You'll feel empowered by your actions. By being the bigger man in this triangular equation, you'll impress your ex girlfriend much more than if you would have told her that her new guy was all wrong for her. You're actually telling her that you want what is best for her. Every woman wants to hear that from an ex. It shows how compassionate, mature and emotionally evolved he is. By letting her go and doing so with dignity and consideration, you'll maintain a place in her heart forever. You'll always be the ex boyfriend who acted like a true, unselfish gentleman.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can impact your future with the woman you love. If you still need and want her don't leave your future with her to chance, there are ways to win her back.